There’s this new phenomenon I’ve noticed, that’s really been getting to me more and more. And it’s making me so sad.
I’m on a lot of mom’s groups. I mostly use them for business, but every now and again I get sucked down the wormhole of reading through posts.
I totally see the need for these groups. They create community in our increasingly disconnected society. As we connect more and more online, we, conversely, feel less and less meaningfully connected – friends move overseas, family moves away, people present only their “best selves” to the world and we feel we can never measure up.
So enter the mom groups. The place where all of us are in the same boat, trying to navigate our way through motherhood with a tiny dependent.
But I see more and more moms having to preface their posts with: “Please no bashing”.
It used to happen only with the more traditionally controversial topics like vaginal birth vs c-section, or breastfeeding vs formula feeds.
But now, I see moms having to write it on posts as inane as ‘please no bashing. Is this a line on a pregnancy test? I can’t really tell if it’s positive’ or ‘I need some ideas on what to get for my child for her third birthday. I’m feeling a bit lost for ideas. Please no bashing!’
Are we SO desperate to pull other women down in an attempt to make ourselves feel better, that we would belittle another mom for her lack of gifting imagination for her child? Or take advantage of a woman at a vulnerable time when she’s newly pregnant, full of hormones; either feeling excited at the prospect of new life or scared at the idea of a possibly ill-timed baby?
Or are we so scared of being judged by other women that we feel the need to preemptively put up the armour of ‘please no bashing’ before anyone has even done or said anything.
Having read quite a few of these posts, I think it’s the former. We have a tendency online to allow our worst selves to emerge in the comments section. We are very ready to leap to conclusions, to take a holier than thou attitude, and to act as though we are all perfect moms. We are only too ready to tear each other down and it’s so so sad.
It’s about time we took a leaf out of young women and teens on Instagram who comment on each other’s pics with compliments. How about a new set of lines for moms:
“Look at you mom! You got yourself to work today AND found time to pee on a pregnancy test?! I’m impressed! I think I see a shadow of a line. Maybe test again in a few days.”
“You’re thinking about presents a whole 2 weeks BEFORE her birthday? Well done, you’re practically Supermom! I *may* just have fibbed about the date of my youngest’s birthday because it was before payday ”
“You cooked lunch AND dinner? Excellent. You’re winning at life. Please share your secrets. If he’s not eating it all, maybe keep the rest for lunch tomorrow (remember the 5 second rule of it landed on the floor when he had a tantrum … if that doesn’t work, try wine… for you, not him)”
“Mamma, he’s gorgeous! Such a cute pic. And you look lovely so soon after the birth. I’m sure you’re doing really well. We all do the best we can. Maybe speak to the clinic sister if you’re worried about his weight gain”
Let’s practice building each other up. Be the person YOU needed when you had a baby, the friend you wanted to talk to online.
You don’t need to tear someone down to feel taller, and if you do, you’re the one who has work to do. Build the sisterhood 🖤
SuperQuatroMom 